Phases of school

Since my childhood I have always hated school.To the point where I wasn't even interested in going to school. I don't remember a single day when I had not frowned and cribbed about it. I have cried,  I have sobbed, I made some or the other excuse to not go to school. This one time I think in the third grade, I had my final exams and I cried because my eyebrow shape wasn't the way I  wanted it to be. God I was so stupid. 

Until one day it just hit me that this school thing is going to end. I knew it on the first day of my tenth grade. I remember being so  happy about it.  But God had other plans for me, OBVIOUSLY. The initial period of 10th grade  was the worst. I knew no one from my class, I had friends from nearby divisions but from my class I barely knew anyone. Also I wasn't active on social media so there was no chance of socialising that way.  I tried my best to fit in, which was a really wrong thing to do. All this while, I was dealing with anxiety so this pressure be it studies or socializing was a big deal to me. I have never cried the way I cried this year.

So one day, i was sitting and i realised that I should stop wanting things and instead just let them come to me? And it worked? 

Not that I had a huge group of friends but honestly,  I met the best people . I spoke with hundreds and got to know hundreds. I had the deepest and the bestest talks with those few. I sobbed, I cried, I danced, I ranted , I did every damn thing. I discovered that happiness had always just been there, it was me who wasn't able to express it. I can't be grateful enough for the people I met this year. I found my comfort zone a bit late but the struggle made it sweeter.

Now that you've heard my story let's talk about why students may not like to go to school and why is the Indian education system at some fault.

Since my childhood I have met many friends who are extremely talented, some are into art, some are into sports but some  teachers tend to target them on the basis of their "not so great" marks. Continuous taunts can break a person's confidence, what they need is encouragement.  It's high time that we start giving equal importance to both things. I remember how targeted I felt when my teacher in 7th used to pinpoint me because I used to get bad grades in maths. I remember her asking me questions like "how do you score so well in other subjects but not math?"  She used to always ask me questions and every time I used to get it wrong because of the underlying pressure. It was embarrassing for me and slowly I started losing my confidence. This one time she asked me to solve one question on the board, I was literally shivering but eventually went near the board and solved it halfway correctly  but she didn't agree and said that it was completely wrong, she asked another kid to solve it but praised her after she solved it the same way I had . She even asked me if i copied my homework from the internet as it was always correct. After which I sobbed badly in front of the class. That scene still disturbs me. As a teenager ,it made me feel as if my image had been spoiled  after that I felt like never even touching the maths book. Thankfully the lockdown happened and guess who was the happiest?

But when 9th grade started the same images went through my head constantly. After counselling and support from my parents, sister and friends i finally got back on the track. It was really tough for me, I remember telling this to people and them responding with " but you look happy".  

   I have seen the grades of toppers deteriorating because of stress and the grades of average students improving because of keeping calm. Practicing meditation is the way to go.  I ignored this for the  entire year but in the last month I practiced it without fail everyday and I was literally in much better space while writing boards than I have ever been. Lastly just want to say that school teaches us to be disciplined and not hustle but in order to move ahead in life you have got to hustle, you've got to move yourself and disrupt your "normal" pattern of living. You must have often heard how knowledge is power but I disagree, knowledge with backed up action is true power .

Thank you

Parnika